I become obsessed with letting it all go. I book a flight to Mexico to meet my soul parts. I listen to the same songs on repeat. I swim in the ocean at dawn. I take up tapping as a means to distract myself from myself. I pour a glass of red. I start to count the waves like a herd of sheep. I still wonder what you’re doing.
Most people tell me that I seem very balanced and at peace. Perhaps, yes; and perhaps I am in anticipation for what to create next. I don't know how to stop. Essentially, what I understand from this is that we are handed situations for a reason and it’s okay to be hungry.
I watch the birds in the morning. I watch them swoop in circles over the Sea of Cortez. A place I had never been until I did. I am not sure how I got here at all. I am not sure that it even matters. I have a lot of editing to do and I constantly let my tea grow cold.
I’d like to be able to pull my head out of the sand to see through. I suppose it would be easier if we could just have the idea and get it right the first time. Someone tells me it’s just my way of being and that I shouldn’t try to fix it but just make room at the table for all these parts of me that seem to rival one another.
The confusion is good. I am only nervous that I am very near to ruining something that is in other ways perfectly well. Maybe I am still learning how to behave. There is a word for all of this, I just don’t know what it is.
This can not go on forever or maybe we will get forty years together.